I wrote this as a essay when I was in high school,
When asked why do people self harm, One would answer such as they want attention or its all just an act. Truth is people self harm because they want to die, it takes emotional pain away and lets us focus on the physical pain. They don't have anyone to talk to and their depression gets the best of them. Now a days people bully one another all the time and bully's don't know that when they pick on someone that person could be thinking about killing them self, and harming them self and they end up getting low self confidence. When talking about someone who self harms there is no way to describe them. They look just like any normal person, The only thing that is different is they need a little extra love and support because people in their life treats them wrong.
One reason that people self harm is because they think about death all the time, because they want to die. In life people who self harm are surrounded by people who abuse them emotionally, physically, or verbally. they get to the point where they cant take it any more and they want to leave this terrible world. They feel like no on would miss them because they don't even love us enough to not put them down all the time or else they wouldn't abuse them in such ways. In my life i started self harming when i was about nine years old, but when everyone looked at me or seen the scars because i wasn't that good at hiding them, they thought that i was self harming for attention like most people think. However watching my mom go from guy to guy and doing drugs all the time really hurt me especially because she didn't want to get away from the drugs and partying so she could keep her kids. In the early years of my life my brother, sister and i were taken from our mother. My brother and sister in foster care and me with my biological father, a middle aged construction worker. I was living with my dad when i first started cutting myself. One cold winter day, I got really depressed because kids at school were teasing me about my mom. I went home and i put a razor to my leg and cut a thin line telling my dad, a middle aged jerk, I just cut my self shaving so he wouldn't know. I strongly thought about killing my self because people were judging me because of the things she did.
When one self harms their self it takes away the emotional pain. When someone makes that small cut into their wrists it takes the emotional pain away and makes them focus on the physical pain that they now have. They emotionally break down, yet sliding that blade down or across their skin for an amount of time helps keep their mind away from all the outside world abuse. Cutting helps people escape, when they have nothing else they turn to the blade. when i lived in westland there were too many rumors going around about me. One month in early summer it got to the point where i had enough so running frantically into the bathroom and i self harmed myself, like i have so many times before. Later that month another rumor came out that i was cheating on the guy i have been dating for a year with his best friend, an older brother figure. Later that day; however i went home put my iPod in my ears so that my music was screaming at me and made a fresh new cut in my arm. For a couple of hours maybe even a day or two i didn't think of the emotional pain i was feeling because i was now feeling the physical pain that i had put on myself.
People find them self more likely to self harm themselves because chances are they don't have anyone to talk to. People judge others by everything nowadays and to find a person that someone can trust to talk to is really heard. they want to get help, but they are scared it will get out to the school and the abuse will just get worse. People who self harm themselves hear people making fun of people who cut them self or commit suicide because they think all people like that want attention. People never think that maybe they have reasons that they want to die, and so its hard for them to trust anyone who talks like that. When i started cutting i thought "okay this is good i will only do it once" well once turned into twice and so on. One cold month in winter, i tried talking to someone and it got out to the school and everyone knew about it; However other students asked me if it was true and i denied it. I felt so betrayed and i didn't even know what to do about it. So i shut myself down and became really antisocial, Hardly even talking to really close friends of mine who were exactly like me.
Most people who self harm have depression and they have self harmed for so long that when they try to quit they cant. When people have depression they cant help but be lonely, antisocial, or even a walking time bomb. People try to quit self harming, but when they have bullying going on around them constantly, they find it hard to quit because the littlest things cause them to self harm again because they are really emotional people. When i was a freshman in high school i started dating this guy named Daniel, a young teenage nerd, and once he found out that i cut myself he wanted me to stop. For a while i stopped, everything was going good and i have self harmed myself in a couple months; however, Halloween me and Daniel got into a bad fight while we were at his friends house. One Hot summer day, i was spending the night with Daniel and his friends and we got in such a bad fight that we didn't talk to each other practically all night, So i hung out with his friends. I finally got so upset that this fight was still going on that i quickly sank into the bathroom, pulled out my razor and slit a clan cut into my wrists. Doing so good not self harming, things little like a fight with someone i loved caused me to go right back to doing the same thing.
When a person looks at someone, being on the outside looking it, no one knows how their life is at home. People never know whats going on with peoples personal life and a person who physically harms them self don't look any different than an average person. Someone's best friend could be at home being physically, emotionally, or even verbally abused, And as long as they can hide it good no one will ever know. people bully one another so much when in reality all they want to do is live and be wanted by someone. When one is bullied no one ever thinks that person might go home and self harm or even commit suicide.
No comments:
Post a Comment