Friday, May 22, 2015
New trailer for youtube?!?!?! Who Is HardcoreAmbur?
Please be nice as this is my first ever trailer that i have created on my own. I hope you guys love it. let me know.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
The happiest saddest love story
Hello, my name is Tosca. I was told to write an assignment for my creative writing class. So This is my story. I hope everyone likes it.
Class got out at about two seventeen, I cleaned out my locker and proceeded to walk home. It just got done raining so the air was filled with fresh smells. I started to think about what my story was going to be for my assignment.
What to write about just kept filling my head, and then i decided to write about
the first time that I fell in love.
I started walking through the park, i got home about three thirty, I did my normal routine, walked to the fridge grabbed my iced tea, some cookies and walked into my bed room.
Got my refreshments, Lets get started.
" The first time I fell in love, By Tosca Lewis,
Looking back i think the first time that i feel in love i was too small to realize it. I had a best friend named Aiden. We hung out every weekend because our fathers played hockey at a small park together with their friends. With spending all the time together we became best friends. We were closer than anyone i have ever been close with before. Then I moved. We stayed in touch but we didn't see each other as much as we wanted. Years went by, I dated a lot of guys but i was never finding my self happy.
It was a couple weeks after my 16th birthday and my mom met a new old boyfriend, and when i say that i mean because she dated this man when she was my age. With meeting him my mom moved us with him to a brand new house in Casco, Michigan. I found out that Aiden and his father were living with his grandma not to far from our new house. When I found that out I was excited, it meant that we could hang out all the time again. That summer was amazing we hung out all the time, we would go to the beach He stayed the night at our house enough time that you would think he lived with us.
One night He spent the night his dad came over along with him, and we had a bon fire in our back yard. My moms boyfriend was a truck driver so he was never home plus he wanted their relationship to stay a secret so aides dad stayed the night as well. We all were sitting by the fire and having fun. We smoked a joint and everything was magical. We were best friends and I didn't think we could get any closer. little did i know we would.
A couple weeks after me and Aiden were hanging out with out His cousin Destry and my moms secret boyfriends son Nathan. Aiden ran to the store or something, I can not really recall what he went to do. But i was with Destry and Nathan and i told them that I think i liked Aiden, He was sweet, He made me laugh, i never wanted to be with out him. They told me that they would find out if he liked me back if i wanted them too. Of course i told them No and then thinking about it,
What if we did date, It would be perfect, So i told them they could as long as they didn't tell him that i liked him because i mean what if he didn't like me, Then i would possibly lose my best friend. Aides came walking up and i excused my self to my bed room while they talked to him. Nathan came up to our bedroom and told me that aiden felt the same about me. I got instant butterflies, and then everything flew through my head. what if we dated what if i lost my best friend because we brake up? what if he never wants anything to do with me... I wanted to cry but i told myself i was getting way to ahead of my self.
I notice Aiden was walking up my bedroom stairs and for the first time ever i got really nervous. I never get nervous around him but this time he knew that i liked him. He sat next to me just staring at me. I looked down, I couldn't look at him, and i don't know why he just happened to be my best friend i mean i have had one on one conversations before with him.
Aiden: So do you want to date since we both like each other?
Me: But what if we brake up? I don't want to lost my best friend...
Aiden: We won't let it change anything
Me:Promise
Aiden: I pinky promise.
Me: Okay,
And from there on end I was dating my best friend. I was happier then i could have ever imagined my self being. We walked down stairs to the front porch where Nathan and Destry were sitting. They questioned us and asked us if we were dating or not. I bit my lip and said yes, and then he kissed me.
It felt so amazing. I didn't think that a kiss could ever feel so amazing. He was not only my best friend any more he was my boyfriend.
He slept at my house a lot more, of course we slept in the same bed but we didn't have sex because the fact that Nathan slept in the same room as us, but it didn't not happen. Nathan was a football player and i had a walk in closet and i remember that one day we were in there fooling around and we heard nathan start coming up the stairs so i quickly laid next to him with a blanket over us. As nathan hit the top stair he turned and looked at us and all he got out was "really, in the closet" and we both couldn't help but burst into laughter. and that wasn't where it ended, I swear we had sex everywhere and each time it was even more amazing.
I remember a time that i stayed the night at his grandma house with him, his dad had moved back in with his baby girls mamas house so i had to sleep in his dads old room and aides slept in his room, When his grandma went to bed we snuck in each others room and we just cuddled with each other, He was the first and only person i ever gave head to. I remember that i was scared, i have never done it before and i thought it was nasty he asked me if i would at least try it and if i didn't want to he wouldn't push me, but i loved him so i tried it.
Eventually my mother and me moved in to aidens grandmas house because things with her man didn't work out, Me and zack didn't really have any private space so we would make up excuse to get our private time. We would go down to their basement where the work out stuff was and we would have sex on the work out bench. i don't know if it was the thrill of possibly getting caught or what but that became our little spot to have sex. He was so amazing, the best relationship i have ever had.
But my mom being the whore that she was we had to move to another small town with the new boyfriend she had. Me and aiden were still dating, we tried the long distance thing. But with being so far away from him i got depressed all the time, i missed him so much, so i sent the text that would make my biggest fears come true.
me: you deserve better
aiden: What do you mean baby, your amazing
me: I think we needed a brake
aiden: no we can make it work baby, i love you
me: I just miss you so much and I'm scared your going to find someone that you can see every day and fall in love with them,
aiden: ...
me: please talk to me aiden... i love you I'm just scared
aiden: you a fucking bitch leave me alone and lose my fucking number
and that is how i lost both my boyfriend and my best friend all in the same day.
we were friends since we were little and everything just got blown out the window because i was scared i was going to lose him and that was something that i didn't want to happen and it did. He stopped talking to me, he still to this day won't talk to me. and all i want to do is talk, i want my friend back my best friend back... "
I put down my pencil looking down and the story that i just got done writing, feeling proud that i finally got all my feelings out on paper, Did i really want to use this story for my assignment. Agreeing i did i also decided to do something stupid and type a copy to aiden on myspace with a little extra message,
After i got it typed all on myspace i pressed enter a couple time and entered a message to him.
"Dear Aiden
If you are reading this, I hope you are not mad at me for sharing our story, But it is one of the best love stories that also has a sad ending. I know we have both moved on but I still miss you and the time that we had spent together. You will always have a place in my heart. If i could go back to that day I would have never broken up with you. You have made me happier than anyone i have ever been with and possibly any one i ever will be with. I wish you would atleast talk to me, and realize that I would atleast like my friend back..
I do still love you and i don't know why but i feel like i will never get over you because that fact that you were not only my best friend but you were my first real actual love, and if i could i would have never broken up with you.
you made me happier than anyone has ever,
you made me smile
you made me cry,
you made me feel special,
you made me laugh,
your singing gave me chills and to this day your voice still does..
I wish we could just have one last conversation behind closed doors where we just honestly talk about everything. and get everything out on the table, maybe it would help me move on, maybe not. But atleast i would have some kind of closer.
P.s i am sorry that i made you so unhappy and i ruined your life, i swear if i could go back and change it i would have made you happier,"
After i reread everything that i have typed out, i pressed send and closed my laptop, grabbed my iPod put in my ear buds and driffed off to sleep getting ready to read my story to my class.
Class got out at about two seventeen, I cleaned out my locker and proceeded to walk home. It just got done raining so the air was filled with fresh smells. I started to think about what my story was going to be for my assignment.
What to write about just kept filling my head, and then i decided to write about
the first time that I fell in love.
I started walking through the park, i got home about three thirty, I did my normal routine, walked to the fridge grabbed my iced tea, some cookies and walked into my bed room.
Got my refreshments, Lets get started.
" The first time I fell in love, By Tosca Lewis,
Looking back i think the first time that i feel in love i was too small to realize it. I had a best friend named Aiden. We hung out every weekend because our fathers played hockey at a small park together with their friends. With spending all the time together we became best friends. We were closer than anyone i have ever been close with before. Then I moved. We stayed in touch but we didn't see each other as much as we wanted. Years went by, I dated a lot of guys but i was never finding my self happy.
It was a couple weeks after my 16th birthday and my mom met a new old boyfriend, and when i say that i mean because she dated this man when she was my age. With meeting him my mom moved us with him to a brand new house in Casco, Michigan. I found out that Aiden and his father were living with his grandma not to far from our new house. When I found that out I was excited, it meant that we could hang out all the time again. That summer was amazing we hung out all the time, we would go to the beach He stayed the night at our house enough time that you would think he lived with us.
One night He spent the night his dad came over along with him, and we had a bon fire in our back yard. My moms boyfriend was a truck driver so he was never home plus he wanted their relationship to stay a secret so aides dad stayed the night as well. We all were sitting by the fire and having fun. We smoked a joint and everything was magical. We were best friends and I didn't think we could get any closer. little did i know we would.
A couple weeks after me and Aiden were hanging out with out His cousin Destry and my moms secret boyfriends son Nathan. Aiden ran to the store or something, I can not really recall what he went to do. But i was with Destry and Nathan and i told them that I think i liked Aiden, He was sweet, He made me laugh, i never wanted to be with out him. They told me that they would find out if he liked me back if i wanted them too. Of course i told them No and then thinking about it,
What if we did date, It would be perfect, So i told them they could as long as they didn't tell him that i liked him because i mean what if he didn't like me, Then i would possibly lose my best friend. Aides came walking up and i excused my self to my bed room while they talked to him. Nathan came up to our bedroom and told me that aiden felt the same about me. I got instant butterflies, and then everything flew through my head. what if we dated what if i lost my best friend because we brake up? what if he never wants anything to do with me... I wanted to cry but i told myself i was getting way to ahead of my self.
I notice Aiden was walking up my bedroom stairs and for the first time ever i got really nervous. I never get nervous around him but this time he knew that i liked him. He sat next to me just staring at me. I looked down, I couldn't look at him, and i don't know why he just happened to be my best friend i mean i have had one on one conversations before with him.
Aiden: So do you want to date since we both like each other?
Me: But what if we brake up? I don't want to lost my best friend...
Aiden: We won't let it change anything
Me:Promise
Aiden: I pinky promise.
Me: Okay,
And from there on end I was dating my best friend. I was happier then i could have ever imagined my self being. We walked down stairs to the front porch where Nathan and Destry were sitting. They questioned us and asked us if we were dating or not. I bit my lip and said yes, and then he kissed me.
It felt so amazing. I didn't think that a kiss could ever feel so amazing. He was not only my best friend any more he was my boyfriend.
He slept at my house a lot more, of course we slept in the same bed but we didn't have sex because the fact that Nathan slept in the same room as us, but it didn't not happen. Nathan was a football player and i had a walk in closet and i remember that one day we were in there fooling around and we heard nathan start coming up the stairs so i quickly laid next to him with a blanket over us. As nathan hit the top stair he turned and looked at us and all he got out was "really, in the closet" and we both couldn't help but burst into laughter. and that wasn't where it ended, I swear we had sex everywhere and each time it was even more amazing.
I remember a time that i stayed the night at his grandma house with him, his dad had moved back in with his baby girls mamas house so i had to sleep in his dads old room and aides slept in his room, When his grandma went to bed we snuck in each others room and we just cuddled with each other, He was the first and only person i ever gave head to. I remember that i was scared, i have never done it before and i thought it was nasty he asked me if i would at least try it and if i didn't want to he wouldn't push me, but i loved him so i tried it.
Eventually my mother and me moved in to aidens grandmas house because things with her man didn't work out, Me and zack didn't really have any private space so we would make up excuse to get our private time. We would go down to their basement where the work out stuff was and we would have sex on the work out bench. i don't know if it was the thrill of possibly getting caught or what but that became our little spot to have sex. He was so amazing, the best relationship i have ever had.
But my mom being the whore that she was we had to move to another small town with the new boyfriend she had. Me and aiden were still dating, we tried the long distance thing. But with being so far away from him i got depressed all the time, i missed him so much, so i sent the text that would make my biggest fears come true.
me: you deserve better
aiden: What do you mean baby, your amazing
me: I think we needed a brake
aiden: no we can make it work baby, i love you
me: I just miss you so much and I'm scared your going to find someone that you can see every day and fall in love with them,
aiden: ...
me: please talk to me aiden... i love you I'm just scared
aiden: you a fucking bitch leave me alone and lose my fucking number
and that is how i lost both my boyfriend and my best friend all in the same day.
we were friends since we were little and everything just got blown out the window because i was scared i was going to lose him and that was something that i didn't want to happen and it did. He stopped talking to me, he still to this day won't talk to me. and all i want to do is talk, i want my friend back my best friend back... "
I put down my pencil looking down and the story that i just got done writing, feeling proud that i finally got all my feelings out on paper, Did i really want to use this story for my assignment. Agreeing i did i also decided to do something stupid and type a copy to aiden on myspace with a little extra message,
After i got it typed all on myspace i pressed enter a couple time and entered a message to him.
"Dear Aiden
If you are reading this, I hope you are not mad at me for sharing our story, But it is one of the best love stories that also has a sad ending. I know we have both moved on but I still miss you and the time that we had spent together. You will always have a place in my heart. If i could go back to that day I would have never broken up with you. You have made me happier than anyone i have ever been with and possibly any one i ever will be with. I wish you would atleast talk to me, and realize that I would atleast like my friend back..
I do still love you and i don't know why but i feel like i will never get over you because that fact that you were not only my best friend but you were my first real actual love, and if i could i would have never broken up with you.
you made me happier than anyone has ever,
you made me smile
you made me cry,
you made me feel special,
you made me laugh,
your singing gave me chills and to this day your voice still does..
I wish we could just have one last conversation behind closed doors where we just honestly talk about everything. and get everything out on the table, maybe it would help me move on, maybe not. But atleast i would have some kind of closer.
P.s i am sorry that i made you so unhappy and i ruined your life, i swear if i could go back and change it i would have made you happier,"
After i reread everything that i have typed out, i pressed send and closed my laptop, grabbed my iPod put in my ear buds and driffed off to sleep getting ready to read my story to my class.
Friday, January 16, 2015
A love unspoken.
"Why dont you tell him you love him Ava? You are Super Beautiful. I am sure he feels the same way." Jay Practically screamed at me.
"I am so done with this conversation, By love" I smirked walking away. Only to run in to Dom and James. Dom was my best friend in the entire world and James well, He was like a deadly disease i could not get rid of.
"Hey boys, Whatcha talking about?" I questioned knowing I ran into a conversation that I was probably no suppose to hear. When all of a sudden james screamed,
"Well Ava, as much as we love to see your beautiful face, Dom needs to tell you something, and I am going to be late for class, So uhm ya see ya later" as he ran away.
"He is such a werido" I whispered to Dom.
"Yeah he is, But anyway what are you doing for spring break?" Dom questioned me trying to hide that he was super nervous. I have been best friends with him since we were in diapers so I knew that he was nervous, And to be honest he was really adorable when he was nervous.
"Well nothing anymore. Me and Jay were going to go to Hawaii for a week, But with her dad getting sick it got canceled. Now I will be sitting at home, Alone." I responded trying to not let him know that i had an idea of what he was getting at.
"Well do you want to hang out? we can go up to my dad's cabin and just hang out" he stated. He was playing with his hair now i knew he was super nervous. I wonder If jay was right, did he like me that way as well?
"Well since you asked oh so nicely, I suppose i could go with you" I smiled and walked away.
"Wait! do you want me to drive you up there?" I heard him scream to me, I was half way down the hall, I turned around and shouted back
"Naw i can drive my self."
It was around six thirty when i finally got home.
"Hey ma, you home?" I shouted as i ran through the house.
"Ya hun, What do you need?" She questioned me.
"Well Dom wants me to go meet him up at the cabin this week for spring break, Is it cool if i go?" i pleaded. After an hour of begging my amazing mom, She told me i could go. I decided i was going to leave tonight. I got all of my clothes and threw them in my neon purple suitcase, said goodbye to my mom after thanking her again for letting me go, and hurried out the door to my car. I was finally on my way to spend a week with my amazing best friend.
It was twelve in the morning when my body decided it was tired, I pulled off to the closest hotel i could get to. The name was "The red Fantasy" what a weird motel name, But i proceeded to rent a room. The room did not look to shabby. I threw my things on the second bed and headed straight to the phone. I waited as Doms phone just rang and rang, It went to voice mail.
"Hey uh Dom? Well i guess you cant hear your phone, But i wont be making it to the cabin tonight. I am about half way there, I stopped at a hotel call the red fantasy. I will be there tomorrow. I promise. Love ya bro" and I hung up.
I decided i wanted to take a shower and as i walked in to the bathroom I noticed i didn't have any towels. Well i guess i should go see if the office is open still. I hated walking at night, but i proceeded as i ran into this what looked like a guy with a long black coat on, Hair hanging down to his waist. He looked and smelled like he hasn't showered in a long time. His eyes looked black as night, but with it being dark i couldn't be sure and i was not about to stay and find out.
"My.. My.. you are really pretty." He whispered as i ran by him, But i ignored him and continued to the hotel office.
"Hello Welcome to the red fantasy hotel, Would you like to get a room" This tall man questioned me. He had the creepiest smile i have ever seen. He was skinny as a skeleton looked like he needed to eat something. His skin was white as a ghost and he smelt like rotting trash.
"Does everyone here not take showers?" I thought to myself.
"Uhm i already have a room, But thanks. Where is the other guy that was just here?" I questioned knowing that it really was none of my business but i was curious.
"Oh it was the end of his shift," The strange man replied, His smile was back but this one was a lot creepier. He had the smile that killers normally had in scary movies. At this point i had chills and i wanted out of there.
"Uhm I just need some towels" I asked nervously. The man slipped into his back room as the other creepy man from outside came into the office.
"I really wish this guy would hurry with my towels," I thought to myself when suddenly it was like god had answered my prayers because here he came with my towels. I could finally go back to my room and take a nice hot shower.
"Crap! i knew i forgot something" As i reached my hotel room, When suddenly I heard a mans voice behind me.
"Do you need help?" Thinking this was the guy from the main office, I breathed and tried to relax, I finally replied with a simple sweet no.
"Okay well i have to room next to you, and you could always check to see if your door on the inside is unlocked." He explained to me. I turned around to see if his offer was still there. Standing in front of me was a brown haired, blue eyed boy who was really attractive, But he also looked like he still played Pokemon in his parents basement. Thankfully the door that separated our rooms were unlocked. As i walked in my room i turned around and stared at the stranger,
"Well thank you for helping me." i explained in the sweetest voice i could get out.
When i got back into my room, I ran for the shower thinking the sooner i got out, The sooner i could go to bed and that would all lead to the sooner i could see my best friend. As i was rinsing the conditioner out of my hair i heard a loud bang, It startled me a little and i almost fell in the shower
"You are just so tired, that you are hearing things" I thought to myself and i continued to get all the soap off of my body. When i finally got out of the shower i ran to my bed and tried to fall asleep. Easier said than done. I felt like someone was watching me.
It was about five in the morning when i got woken up by some kind of sound. It sounded like someone sharpening a knife. I glanced out of the window while sitting up in bed and it was still dark outside. I did not want to move, so i laid down to try and fall back to sleep. When suddenly i felt something jump on my legs and hold my arms up above my head. I tried to move, to fight and get them off of me, But it wasn't working. I felt my wrists get tied together, and i felt something go into my leg, I felt something again go into my stomach. The last thing i felt was something go into my chest, Then everything went dark and fuzzy.
It was Three thirty in the afternoon when i finally woke up. Guess I was more tired then I thought. I wonder if Ava was here yet, So i ran to the back of the house only to see the driveway empty besides my car. Maybe she slept in as well i thought to myself so i walked into the kitchen to get something to eat, That's when i heard my phone go off.
"One missed call, One voice mail" I grabbed my phone and listened to the voice mail, It was Ava. Maybe she changed her mind about coming, I thought to myself.
"uh Dom? guess you cant hear phone, wont making tonight.half way I at a call the red fantasy. tomorrow. Love" Her voice mail kept breaking up, so i could only hear half of it. I tried to guess what she was saying and i came up with the conclusion that she stopped at the hotel red fantasy. I knew of it, We drive past it every time we come up here. I threw my phone down and grabbed some food, and decided to take a nap.
It was about six thirty when I finally woke up from my nap, I ran to the back of the house only to see that Ava still wasn't here. Its weird. I wonder where she could be. I knew that she was a big girl and knew she would be here when she gets here. Maybe she ran into traffic. I went to the spare bedroom and decided I was going to work out. After working out I took a shower, and made my self dinner, I brought Ava's favorite movie, and i didn't want to watch it without her so i decided i would just call it a night.
It was ten o clock in the morning when I woke up. I ran down stairs and made me some coffee, and ate a bowl of cereal. I walked to the back of the cabin and notice that Ava still wasn't here. I found myself getting in my car and driving to the hotel that the Ava said that she was staying at.
"Hello, Can i help you?" i heard a man question me as i was walking it. He was Tall with glasses, pimples, and pants that came up to his belly button.
"Yeah i was wondering what room Ava Johnson was staying in?" I replied waiting for an answer.
"Well there was a pretty girl that came in here the other night, But i haven't seen her since. Her room number is... Uhm.. A145 here is a key" the guy whispered to me. I thought it was kinda weird but i shook it off and proceeded to go to Ava's room. Five minutes later i found myself at the door. Of course I knocked first because I didn't want to just walk in if she was sleeping or something. As i opened the door i screamed Ava's name but i got no response. As I walked over to where the bed was i couldn't believe what i seeing. The room was a mess, everything was tossed around, and laying on the bed, covered in nothing but red, Naked not moving, not even breathing was Ava. I couldn't help but start crying... She would never know that i was in love with her.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
The perfect accident
It not fun always being the new girl in a school in a town the size of your cell phone, But there i was slowly walking into those big doors once again. Everyone was staring at me like i had something on my face. Walking to my first class people were staring at me like i was some kind of intruder. I sat down at my uncomfortable desk and waited for class to start. Maybe once the class started i wouldnt feel so alienated. After my first two classes i found myself finally being able to get to lunch. After going through that long line I walked outside and sat at a picnic table under this beautiful tree, and that is when it all began.
Eating my lunch, Reviewing my notes that we had taken in my class before lunch I heard a deep attractive boys voice say something to me. I looked up just to make sure that i was the one he was really talking to. When i looked up i saw a very attractive six foot seven inche boy. He had beach blond hair and Amazing baby blue eyes, and he was staring right at me.
"Hey there, you are the new girl right?" He asked me sitting there wondering what i should say, I found that all i could do was shake my head.
"Well my name is jake, Can i eat lunch with you?" He questioned me. Moving some of my binders and notebooks out of the way i replied
"Sure," I could tell that he felt a little uncomfortable, Because truth be told i felt uncomfortable to. He was the very attractive boy talking to me, Why me? I wasnt anything special.
"So there is this party tonight. Would you like to come with me?" He smiled. He had this smile that could make anyone fall in love. So i wrote my number on a piece of paper.
"Sure sounds fun," I shyly replied to his question, I got up and walked to class. As i tried to finish this school day i thought it was kind of cool that i was going to go to a party with what seemed like the cutest guy in school, But what was i going to wear?
It was six o'clock when i got out of the shower and hurried to pick out what i was going to wear. I wanted to look attractive but not look like i was trying to hard. I decided i was going to wear My white sun dress that had cherries on it. I curled my Long brown hair and tied it to one side. I added some eyeliner on my hazel eyes and watched as i put the eyeliner on my eyes popped. It was nine thirty when jake picked me up, I would be lying if i said i wasnt nervous. Getting to the party jake put his arms around me while we walked in. I got instant butterflies in my tummy, I was defiantly starting to like him.
"Are you thirsty tosca?" Jake nicely asked me with one of his famous smiles.
"No i am fine, thanks Jake," i said as sweet as i could. Not even ten minutes of being at the party. This beautiful Brown haired green eyed girl came walking up to us. She had the most revealing clothes on and thats when i knew he was probably going to leave me and chase after her. I had to have been just a joke to him and his friends. I was not expecting what happened next.
"Hi jake, I see you brought the New nobody to this party" She sarcastically said, and to my surprise jake stood up for me. He just met me, I couldnt believe it.
"Her name is tosca! Jen what do you want? Arent you late for your stripper job?" He snapped at her. I was trying my hardest not to laugh but i just couldnt keep it in.
"Oh nothing, Hunny your just know little nobody, He will be with me by the end of the night, So i wouldnt get too comfortable" She yelled at me as she walked away.
"Dont listen to her tosca, Me and her have been broken up for a long time not" Jake re-insured me, But all i could do was smile. I thought it was werid that he told me they we not an item, I mean we did just meet. I didnt question anything though because it all just felt right. After getting a couple drinks down with jake we went into one of the spare bedrooms and started making out. The last thing i remember is cuddling and kissing with jake.
The next morning when i woke up i had the worst headache ever! I was defiantly hung over. When i rolled over I found jake laying there smiling at me, Naked. He pulled me in close and we laid there cuddling for a little bit. All i could do was smile as he kissed me on my forehead.
"Good morning beautiful!" He whispered to me, I didnt want to move. I was so happy until i looked at the time.
"Jake we are going to be late for school. Will you drive me?" I squealed as i rushed to get dressed.
"Of course i will drive you tosca, Well if i can get a kiss that is" He replied smiling at me. I got instant butterflies again. Everything felt right so before i put my shirt back on i kissed him. He pushed me on the bed and started kissing me more. All over. We ended up finding our selfs naked again. Having the most amazing sex, But not like the kind where you just do it to get it over. He was a gentleman. We found our self laying on the bed naked again.
"Jake serious this time, we have to get to school" I told him as i kissed him and started getting dressed again. I know we just met each other but everything felt right with him. I didnt want it to end.
It was valentines day and i just wanted school to end. I havent seen jake all day which was werid because he normally walks me to every class. I walked into my last class just wishing it would start and be over already, But as i was walking to my desk there was a small red card on top of it. The note said. "Follow the arrows". At first i was confused by the red arrows because when i walked in there was nothing, But when i turned around there right in front of me there was a girl holding an arrow. I walked out into the hallway and there was another. I followed all of the arrows to the picnic table that i sat at on my first day of school. Jake was standing right next to the tree that i thought was beautiful, with a big teddy bear with a sign that said Tosca Elaine Hunter, Will you be my girlfriend. I almost had tears in my eyes and i couldnt get an answer out so i found my self shaking my head yes. I was absolutely happy and I never wanted it to end.
A week later I found myself sitting in my bathroom, Waiting to see the results of the test. I dont know what i would do if i was pregnant. Would jake stay around? Would he still love me? I questioned my self. Time was up the results were in. I grabbed the test and my fears came true. I was pregnant with jakes baby. I knew i had to tell jake but i was scared. I didnt want to lose him, What if i did because of this. Later on at school Jake walked me to my first class,
"Are you okay babe? You seem off today?" He questioned me.
"Yeah, I am fine babe, I promise. I will see you after this class" I replied as i kissed him and walked into my class room. I couldnt pay attention in class so i decided i was going to write jake a letter telling him that i needed to tell him something important. I was scared to tell him. I asked mrs. K to go to the bathroom and i texted jake that i put a note in his locker and he needed to go get it now. Finally the bell rang. If jake got that note then it was time to tell him. I was more nervous then i have ever been in my entire life.
"Hey babe, Whats up?" Jake questioned me after he gave me a hug and kissed me.
"Hey sweetheart." Is all i could get out. I was shaking really bad now.
"What do you have to tell me darling?" Jake questioned again. I felt the pressure.
"Uhm, Well i took a test babe." i whispered. He didnt understand what i was talking about because he asked me what grade i got on it. Finally i grabbed his hand and put it on my tummy. I stopped scared because he wasnt saying anything. I studied his face and seen no emotions. He looked like he just seen a ghost.
"Uhm Tosca, I think i need some time to let this soak in." Jake whispers as he walks away. I couldnt believe he walked away. All i could do was lean up against a locker and fell crying. I was so up set. Walking through school now was embarrassing to me. I would see jake with his friends, He'd look at me for a minute and then run the other way.
I was sitting at the blue picnic table eating lunch when i noticed jake approach me.
"Hey, Hows the baby?" Jake questioned. I felt disgusted, I couldnt believe we havent talked for five months. I was huge. I wanted to just cry, but i didnt i stayed calm
"She's good, Why do you care?" I replied irritated. I just wanted him to go away. I loved him still of course but i was pissed he was letting me do this all by my self.
"Its a girl? Oh my god. I care because i am going to have a daughter!" he snarled at me.
"You care now? Its been five months jake. You didnt care when i told you, You just walked away. You left me to be a single mom" i snarled back. I couldnt believe that he was trying to tell me that he cared all of a sudden.
"Look Tosca, I know i wasnt there. I was scared. How did you expect me to react. we are teenagers. I am scared to be a parent. I know i should have talked to you, and I am sorry. I want to be in this babys life." He replied to me with a sad smile. How dare him. He knows everytime he smiles i melt. I want whats good for my child. So i told him we had to start back everything slow.
Taking Jake back was a good decision. It was like he never left at all. He helped me walk through the halls and to each of my classes. He made sure that i was eating all of the right foods and drinking plenty of water. I was about eight months pregnant when Jake took me out to dinner, He told me to wear the best dress I had that would fit me. I did my hair just like i did when me and jake first ever went out, Curled and to the side. I was confused and didnt get why i had to dress up nice just to go to dinner. We finally pulled up to a place that had a sign that read "The Purple Elephant" When we walked into the restraunt we had the place to our self. I would be lying if i said i wasnt amazed. It was the sweetest thing he had done for me in the longest time. We sat at this gold rimmed table and he told me to order what ever I wanted. So I ordered a medium rare steak with potatoes on the side. After the main course we had desert, I ordered the cheese cake. When the waiter brought me my cheese cake there was a ring with a diamond on it as big as Neptune. He got down on one knee, With tears in his eyes he said...
"Tosca Elaine Hunter, You are the love of my life. I have made some very stupid decisions and you could have walked away from me, But you gave me a second chance and i am so thankful for that. You are the sweetest girl that i have ever met and you are going to be the mother of my child. I love the way you smile, it takes my breath away, Your not afraid to tell me when i am being stupid, And you save me when ever i need it. Will you do me the honor and marry me?" He questioned, He was tearing up and shaking at this point. I couldnt believe it. I started instantly crying i couldnt find the words so i found myself just shaking my head yes.
As we were waiting for the bill i started to get these cramps in my tummy, It felt like someone was squeezing my insides. Waiting patiently all of a sudden i felt a gush of water between my legs. This was it, My water broke, My baby girl was coming. Jake rushed to get the car and as we pulled up to the hospital i was dilated enough to get an epidural. After a couple of hours i was finally ready to give birth.
"Push babe!!!" Jake screamed while he reached for my hand so i could squeeze his. The pain hurt so bad, I wanted it to be over. I heard my doctor telling me to breath, and push and breath and push. I heard Jake scream
"I can see her head!!" From his tone he was excited. I was scared and excited. My baby girl was almost here. Finally I pushed one last time and i heard the cries of my baby girl. Unlike most girls i was engaged to my childs father and i knew we would be okay. As soon as Jake cut her umbilical cord they placed her on my chest. Seeing Our beautiful little girl laying there so innocent, i knew that everything was going to be okay. I didn't even feel any pain just seeing her took the pain away, and all the pain was worth it.
Eating my lunch, Reviewing my notes that we had taken in my class before lunch I heard a deep attractive boys voice say something to me. I looked up just to make sure that i was the one he was really talking to. When i looked up i saw a very attractive six foot seven inche boy. He had beach blond hair and Amazing baby blue eyes, and he was staring right at me.
"Hey there, you are the new girl right?" He asked me sitting there wondering what i should say, I found that all i could do was shake my head.
"Well my name is jake, Can i eat lunch with you?" He questioned me. Moving some of my binders and notebooks out of the way i replied
"Sure," I could tell that he felt a little uncomfortable, Because truth be told i felt uncomfortable to. He was the very attractive boy talking to me, Why me? I wasnt anything special.
"So there is this party tonight. Would you like to come with me?" He smiled. He had this smile that could make anyone fall in love. So i wrote my number on a piece of paper.
"Sure sounds fun," I shyly replied to his question, I got up and walked to class. As i tried to finish this school day i thought it was kind of cool that i was going to go to a party with what seemed like the cutest guy in school, But what was i going to wear?
It was six o'clock when i got out of the shower and hurried to pick out what i was going to wear. I wanted to look attractive but not look like i was trying to hard. I decided i was going to wear My white sun dress that had cherries on it. I curled my Long brown hair and tied it to one side. I added some eyeliner on my hazel eyes and watched as i put the eyeliner on my eyes popped. It was nine thirty when jake picked me up, I would be lying if i said i wasnt nervous. Getting to the party jake put his arms around me while we walked in. I got instant butterflies in my tummy, I was defiantly starting to like him.
"Are you thirsty tosca?" Jake nicely asked me with one of his famous smiles.
"No i am fine, thanks Jake," i said as sweet as i could. Not even ten minutes of being at the party. This beautiful Brown haired green eyed girl came walking up to us. She had the most revealing clothes on and thats when i knew he was probably going to leave me and chase after her. I had to have been just a joke to him and his friends. I was not expecting what happened next.
"Hi jake, I see you brought the New nobody to this party" She sarcastically said, and to my surprise jake stood up for me. He just met me, I couldnt believe it.
"Her name is tosca! Jen what do you want? Arent you late for your stripper job?" He snapped at her. I was trying my hardest not to laugh but i just couldnt keep it in.
"Oh nothing, Hunny your just know little nobody, He will be with me by the end of the night, So i wouldnt get too comfortable" She yelled at me as she walked away.
"Dont listen to her tosca, Me and her have been broken up for a long time not" Jake re-insured me, But all i could do was smile. I thought it was werid that he told me they we not an item, I mean we did just meet. I didnt question anything though because it all just felt right. After getting a couple drinks down with jake we went into one of the spare bedrooms and started making out. The last thing i remember is cuddling and kissing with jake.
The next morning when i woke up i had the worst headache ever! I was defiantly hung over. When i rolled over I found jake laying there smiling at me, Naked. He pulled me in close and we laid there cuddling for a little bit. All i could do was smile as he kissed me on my forehead.
"Good morning beautiful!" He whispered to me, I didnt want to move. I was so happy until i looked at the time.
"Jake we are going to be late for school. Will you drive me?" I squealed as i rushed to get dressed.
"Of course i will drive you tosca, Well if i can get a kiss that is" He replied smiling at me. I got instant butterflies again. Everything felt right so before i put my shirt back on i kissed him. He pushed me on the bed and started kissing me more. All over. We ended up finding our selfs naked again. Having the most amazing sex, But not like the kind where you just do it to get it over. He was a gentleman. We found our self laying on the bed naked again.
"Jake serious this time, we have to get to school" I told him as i kissed him and started getting dressed again. I know we just met each other but everything felt right with him. I didnt want it to end.
It was valentines day and i just wanted school to end. I havent seen jake all day which was werid because he normally walks me to every class. I walked into my last class just wishing it would start and be over already, But as i was walking to my desk there was a small red card on top of it. The note said. "Follow the arrows". At first i was confused by the red arrows because when i walked in there was nothing, But when i turned around there right in front of me there was a girl holding an arrow. I walked out into the hallway and there was another. I followed all of the arrows to the picnic table that i sat at on my first day of school. Jake was standing right next to the tree that i thought was beautiful, with a big teddy bear with a sign that said Tosca Elaine Hunter, Will you be my girlfriend. I almost had tears in my eyes and i couldnt get an answer out so i found my self shaking my head yes. I was absolutely happy and I never wanted it to end.
A week later I found myself sitting in my bathroom, Waiting to see the results of the test. I dont know what i would do if i was pregnant. Would jake stay around? Would he still love me? I questioned my self. Time was up the results were in. I grabbed the test and my fears came true. I was pregnant with jakes baby. I knew i had to tell jake but i was scared. I didnt want to lose him, What if i did because of this. Later on at school Jake walked me to my first class,
"Are you okay babe? You seem off today?" He questioned me.
"Yeah, I am fine babe, I promise. I will see you after this class" I replied as i kissed him and walked into my class room. I couldnt pay attention in class so i decided i was going to write jake a letter telling him that i needed to tell him something important. I was scared to tell him. I asked mrs. K to go to the bathroom and i texted jake that i put a note in his locker and he needed to go get it now. Finally the bell rang. If jake got that note then it was time to tell him. I was more nervous then i have ever been in my entire life.
"Hey babe, Whats up?" Jake questioned me after he gave me a hug and kissed me.
"Hey sweetheart." Is all i could get out. I was shaking really bad now.
"What do you have to tell me darling?" Jake questioned again. I felt the pressure.
"Uhm, Well i took a test babe." i whispered. He didnt understand what i was talking about because he asked me what grade i got on it. Finally i grabbed his hand and put it on my tummy. I stopped scared because he wasnt saying anything. I studied his face and seen no emotions. He looked like he just seen a ghost.
"Uhm Tosca, I think i need some time to let this soak in." Jake whispers as he walks away. I couldnt believe he walked away. All i could do was lean up against a locker and fell crying. I was so up set. Walking through school now was embarrassing to me. I would see jake with his friends, He'd look at me for a minute and then run the other way.
I was sitting at the blue picnic table eating lunch when i noticed jake approach me.
"Hey, Hows the baby?" Jake questioned. I felt disgusted, I couldnt believe we havent talked for five months. I was huge. I wanted to just cry, but i didnt i stayed calm
"She's good, Why do you care?" I replied irritated. I just wanted him to go away. I loved him still of course but i was pissed he was letting me do this all by my self.
"Its a girl? Oh my god. I care because i am going to have a daughter!" he snarled at me.
"You care now? Its been five months jake. You didnt care when i told you, You just walked away. You left me to be a single mom" i snarled back. I couldnt believe that he was trying to tell me that he cared all of a sudden.
"Look Tosca, I know i wasnt there. I was scared. How did you expect me to react. we are teenagers. I am scared to be a parent. I know i should have talked to you, and I am sorry. I want to be in this babys life." He replied to me with a sad smile. How dare him. He knows everytime he smiles i melt. I want whats good for my child. So i told him we had to start back everything slow.
Taking Jake back was a good decision. It was like he never left at all. He helped me walk through the halls and to each of my classes. He made sure that i was eating all of the right foods and drinking plenty of water. I was about eight months pregnant when Jake took me out to dinner, He told me to wear the best dress I had that would fit me. I did my hair just like i did when me and jake first ever went out, Curled and to the side. I was confused and didnt get why i had to dress up nice just to go to dinner. We finally pulled up to a place that had a sign that read "The Purple Elephant" When we walked into the restraunt we had the place to our self. I would be lying if i said i wasnt amazed. It was the sweetest thing he had done for me in the longest time. We sat at this gold rimmed table and he told me to order what ever I wanted. So I ordered a medium rare steak with potatoes on the side. After the main course we had desert, I ordered the cheese cake. When the waiter brought me my cheese cake there was a ring with a diamond on it as big as Neptune. He got down on one knee, With tears in his eyes he said...
"Tosca Elaine Hunter, You are the love of my life. I have made some very stupid decisions and you could have walked away from me, But you gave me a second chance and i am so thankful for that. You are the sweetest girl that i have ever met and you are going to be the mother of my child. I love the way you smile, it takes my breath away, Your not afraid to tell me when i am being stupid, And you save me when ever i need it. Will you do me the honor and marry me?" He questioned, He was tearing up and shaking at this point. I couldnt believe it. I started instantly crying i couldnt find the words so i found myself just shaking my head yes.
As we were waiting for the bill i started to get these cramps in my tummy, It felt like someone was squeezing my insides. Waiting patiently all of a sudden i felt a gush of water between my legs. This was it, My water broke, My baby girl was coming. Jake rushed to get the car and as we pulled up to the hospital i was dilated enough to get an epidural. After a couple of hours i was finally ready to give birth.
"Push babe!!!" Jake screamed while he reached for my hand so i could squeeze his. The pain hurt so bad, I wanted it to be over. I heard my doctor telling me to breath, and push and breath and push. I heard Jake scream
"I can see her head!!" From his tone he was excited. I was scared and excited. My baby girl was almost here. Finally I pushed one last time and i heard the cries of my baby girl. Unlike most girls i was engaged to my childs father and i knew we would be okay. As soon as Jake cut her umbilical cord they placed her on my chest. Seeing Our beautiful little girl laying there so innocent, i knew that everything was going to be okay. I didn't even feel any pain just seeing her took the pain away, and all the pain was worth it.
Helpless Regrets
His name was John. He use to fight for our nation, He was a wonderful husband and a wonderful father. At least until he came back to America that it. Once he came back he started drinking so much that it took over his life. No one really understands what its like to be over sea's. John and his family were leaving to come home from a Christmas party. John had a few to many drinks so Rachel, Johns sweetheart of a wife tried to take the car keys away from him.
"Hunn give me the keys, your drunk, I really dont mind driving home" She pleaded to him still trying to grab the keys.
"No! I drive will, Im drive to perfectly fine,!" He shouted at her
"I dont think you are john, you cant even talk straight, give me the keys please. If you drive you will end up getting in a car accident, Now give me the damn keys." She begged him
"No!! i this home driving car, I find said drive im too" He screamed at her falling over himself. Rachel did not want to fight so she proceeded to let him drive home. Worried because she knew weather or not she let him drive or she tried to get the keys that it was going to be a fight and she didnt want to get hit.
"Jamie sweetie, Please buckle up extra good. Your father is being very bad" She whispered to there eight year old daughter. Trying to hide the worry in her voice. Hoping nothing bad would happen to her angel.
"Okay mommy, I love you" Jamie whispered back, trying to make sure that her dad could not here them talking. Knowing that if john heard them talking bad about him the outcome would be really bad. On the way home they were pulling up to a red light,
"John slow down, its a red light,!" Rachel pleaded to her drunken husband, But john had no intention to listen to his now terrified wife. The last thing she heard was was a big slamming noise.
"Sir can you hear me?" the police officer questioned john.
"Uhm, what happened?" John groaned still feeling under the influence.
"Well sir, the man in the other car said you flew threw the red light, You tried turning and hit the curb. You rolled you vehicle," the police man explained to a still drunken john.
"Where... Where is my wife and daughter?' John interrogated the officer,
"Sir, I dont know how to tell you this, But... I'm sorry they didnt make it. Your car was so crushed, there was no way they could have even had a chance to make it. Again i am so sorry sir" the officer responded trying not to cry.
It has been three years since John has lost his family in that tragic accident. You would think that because alcohol was the reason he lost his family that he would want to stay away from it, But honestly it has been quiet the opposite. Everyone tried to help john fight this nasty disease, John tried to quit once but as soon as the anniversary of the accident came around again we got a call from the police station. They said that he was going to spend the night in the drunk tank. John had spent his hole pay check on drinks at the bar and got a fight with someone and ended up putting him in the hospital.
"John you have to quit this, you drinking is what killed Rachel and Jamie. They would want you to get help john!" I pleaded to him but he was just ignoring me.
"No Brooke! I do not have a problem! and I do not need to get help for something that i do not have a problem with!" John screamed at me. John was really mad this time so i refused to push the subject any further. John drank anytime he could even if he didnt have the money, He would take his friends out and they would end up buying him drinks. He got so bad that he sold everything in his house just to be able to buy himself drinks. He doesnt let anyone into his life anymore, He pushes everyone away. He doesnt realize that he has a disease and he just doesnt care about anything anymore.
It has been a week since i seen john. It was his birthday, He lives with out parents agian because he has sold just about everything he owned, and got the house taken away because he cant stay sober long enough to keep a job.
"John are you home?" I screamed throughout our parents two story house. There was no answer, and i couldnt find him anywhere. He had to be here somewhere i thought to myself. He can't drive because he doesnt have his license anymore or even a car, But then again who would even trust him to borrow a car. I walked down the hall to get to my parents spare bedroom and I was devastated at what I seen next.
"Oh my god!" I screamed as i ran to the phone in my parents bedroom,
"Hello, I need an ambulance here!" I pleaded to them
"Mam, I need your location," The voice on the other end questioned me,
"Im at 3200 Jeffrey road, Please Hurry!" i yelled as i panicked. The lady confirmed that there was someone on the way and told me that i needed to calm down. What seemed like ten minutes later, The paramedics were at my parents house.
"Is this your boyfriend miss?" The paramedic questioned me, and to be honest I couldnt help but chuckle at that. We were twin brother and sister, He looked just like me.
"No... He.. He's my brother, Please tell me he is ok?" I questioned concerned
"Im sorry.. We couldnt save him. His alcolol level was way above the legal limit. Looks like he drank more than the average person should ever consume today, And we found some marks on his arm. It looks like he had cut him self. I am so sorry for your loss." He stated. As he walked away he handed me a letter in a ziplock baggy,
"Dear Brooke,
I'm sorry for all the pain that i have caused. Please tell mom and dad that i am sorry and they do not have to worry about me anymore. I am going to finally be with my Rachel and Jamie again. I dont want to hurt anymore. I know that i have been sick, But knowing that i caused my beautiful and amazing wife and daughter to suffer. I should have just Let Rachel drive that night. Why i had to have that many drinks i dont know. Going to war ruined me, i should have gotten help instead of drinking and hiding all of my problems. I am so sorry that i ruined your life. Please tell mom and dad that i love them and tell them please dont feel sorry for me. I deserved it.
John"
I couldnt help but fall to my knees, I started crying so hard that it felt like i have a waterfall coming out of my eyes. The only thing i could get out was,
"He would still be here, If he just let us help him"
"Hunn give me the keys, your drunk, I really dont mind driving home" She pleaded to him still trying to grab the keys.
"No! I drive will, Im drive to perfectly fine,!" He shouted at her
"I dont think you are john, you cant even talk straight, give me the keys please. If you drive you will end up getting in a car accident, Now give me the damn keys." She begged him
"No!! i this home driving car, I find said drive im too" He screamed at her falling over himself. Rachel did not want to fight so she proceeded to let him drive home. Worried because she knew weather or not she let him drive or she tried to get the keys that it was going to be a fight and she didnt want to get hit.
"Jamie sweetie, Please buckle up extra good. Your father is being very bad" She whispered to there eight year old daughter. Trying to hide the worry in her voice. Hoping nothing bad would happen to her angel.
"Okay mommy, I love you" Jamie whispered back, trying to make sure that her dad could not here them talking. Knowing that if john heard them talking bad about him the outcome would be really bad. On the way home they were pulling up to a red light,
"John slow down, its a red light,!" Rachel pleaded to her drunken husband, But john had no intention to listen to his now terrified wife. The last thing she heard was was a big slamming noise.
"Sir can you hear me?" the police officer questioned john.
"Uhm, what happened?" John groaned still feeling under the influence.
"Well sir, the man in the other car said you flew threw the red light, You tried turning and hit the curb. You rolled you vehicle," the police man explained to a still drunken john.
"Where... Where is my wife and daughter?' John interrogated the officer,
"Sir, I dont know how to tell you this, But... I'm sorry they didnt make it. Your car was so crushed, there was no way they could have even had a chance to make it. Again i am so sorry sir" the officer responded trying not to cry.
It has been three years since John has lost his family in that tragic accident. You would think that because alcohol was the reason he lost his family that he would want to stay away from it, But honestly it has been quiet the opposite. Everyone tried to help john fight this nasty disease, John tried to quit once but as soon as the anniversary of the accident came around again we got a call from the police station. They said that he was going to spend the night in the drunk tank. John had spent his hole pay check on drinks at the bar and got a fight with someone and ended up putting him in the hospital.
"John you have to quit this, you drinking is what killed Rachel and Jamie. They would want you to get help john!" I pleaded to him but he was just ignoring me.
"No Brooke! I do not have a problem! and I do not need to get help for something that i do not have a problem with!" John screamed at me. John was really mad this time so i refused to push the subject any further. John drank anytime he could even if he didnt have the money, He would take his friends out and they would end up buying him drinks. He got so bad that he sold everything in his house just to be able to buy himself drinks. He doesnt let anyone into his life anymore, He pushes everyone away. He doesnt realize that he has a disease and he just doesnt care about anything anymore.
It has been a week since i seen john. It was his birthday, He lives with out parents agian because he has sold just about everything he owned, and got the house taken away because he cant stay sober long enough to keep a job.
"John are you home?" I screamed throughout our parents two story house. There was no answer, and i couldnt find him anywhere. He had to be here somewhere i thought to myself. He can't drive because he doesnt have his license anymore or even a car, But then again who would even trust him to borrow a car. I walked down the hall to get to my parents spare bedroom and I was devastated at what I seen next.
"Oh my god!" I screamed as i ran to the phone in my parents bedroom,
"Hello, I need an ambulance here!" I pleaded to them
"Mam, I need your location," The voice on the other end questioned me,
"Im at 3200 Jeffrey road, Please Hurry!" i yelled as i panicked. The lady confirmed that there was someone on the way and told me that i needed to calm down. What seemed like ten minutes later, The paramedics were at my parents house.
"Is this your boyfriend miss?" The paramedic questioned me, and to be honest I couldnt help but chuckle at that. We were twin brother and sister, He looked just like me.
"No... He.. He's my brother, Please tell me he is ok?" I questioned concerned
"Im sorry.. We couldnt save him. His alcolol level was way above the legal limit. Looks like he drank more than the average person should ever consume today, And we found some marks on his arm. It looks like he had cut him self. I am so sorry for your loss." He stated. As he walked away he handed me a letter in a ziplock baggy,
"Dear Brooke,
I'm sorry for all the pain that i have caused. Please tell mom and dad that i am sorry and they do not have to worry about me anymore. I am going to finally be with my Rachel and Jamie again. I dont want to hurt anymore. I know that i have been sick, But knowing that i caused my beautiful and amazing wife and daughter to suffer. I should have just Let Rachel drive that night. Why i had to have that many drinks i dont know. Going to war ruined me, i should have gotten help instead of drinking and hiding all of my problems. I am so sorry that i ruined your life. Please tell mom and dad that i love them and tell them please dont feel sorry for me. I deserved it.
John"
I couldnt help but fall to my knees, I started crying so hard that it felt like i have a waterfall coming out of my eyes. The only thing i could get out was,
"He would still be here, If he just let us help him"
Four Visitors
My name is Jayce michael. I have baby blue eyes and sunshine blond hair. I have to say that i am the guy that all the girls want, They think they can tame me. I loved to have "fun" with as many girls as i could get, and I didnt care whose feelings i hurt along the way. As long as i was the happy one at the end. That was before my life changed, For the better.
It was the last day of school until spring break began. I got home about five o'clock. I did what i always do as soon as i got home. Went to the kitchen grabbed snacks and continued flopping myself of the couch and watching our amazing seventy inch Television. I found my self drifting off to sleep just as the door bell started to ring. I got up and dragged myself to answer the door and to my surprise it was Anna Smith. She was My first actual girl friend i have ever had. She was the most beautiful girl that i have ever laid eyes on when i was in middle school. She had long beautiful brown hair, and hazel eyes you could get lost in. When she smiled at you, well your breath would just get taken away. She passed away when we went to the beach in the 8th grade for the end of the year school trip, so I was confused on why she was here.
"Jayce, What are you doing with your self? If you dont stop messing around with girls, you will end up a lonely man" Anna threatened me in a small smirking way, almost like she was hoping that would happen. I looked at her confused
"A..A..Anna how.. are you here?" I replied trying not start crying.
"Hunni your dreaming, Which is why you can see me. Hunni you have to change the way you are living, its not right." Anna laughs as though I could see her when ever i wanted.
"Anna, there is nothing wrong with how i am living, Are you on some kind of spirit drugs?" I reply choking a little bit on every word, still not understanding if i was going crazy. With one fast move Anna smacks me in the back of the head.
"Jayce michael do you not remember me at all? Anna questions with a hint of irritation in her voice, and all i could get out was
"of course i remember you" With a little smirk, Anna knew that I didnt remember her that good, because its been four years since she passed away and honestly i have dated a lot of different girls in that time.
"Jayce we dated in eight grade, you use to be this sweet gentlemen. We did everything together. You beat your best friend up for even flirting with another girl... Now you just sweet talk every girl you can, get them to fall for you weather or not you have a girl friend or sometimes even three at the same time." Anna pleaded to me.
"So what are you doing here Anna? Tell me things that i already know about my life?" i questioned her.
"No i am here to help you wake up and realize that you are living you life wrong and you need to change before it's too late." She said trying to hide the fact that she was getting a little irritated.
"You have me all night, and I am going to show you the effects your actions have on girls. We are going to see four of you flings you have had, you are going to see what happens if you stay living this way. Weather or not you want to change, back to the sweetheart that i know you are deep down. Well you have to live with the consequences if you dont." She pleaded to me as i just stood there dumbfounded. Anna grabbed my hand and smoke flew up around us.
When the smoke finally cleared i realized that we were at a party. As we walked up the steps i seen all my friends. Why wasnt i as this party? I wondered.
"Dont try to talk to them, they cant see you" Anna exclaimed.
"Why are we here anna?" i questioned her, but she just kept walking. We walked over to the kitchen where i seen myself, talking to a beautiful cheerleader. Her name was Jenelle Adams. She had Long red hair, and bright green eyes. I remember this night. I flirted with her and kept feeding her drinks until i finally got her to have sex with me. The boys couldnt believe that i actually did it, because she was against high school boys.
"Jenelle was in love with you jayce, you were the only boy in high school that she would give the time of day, and you took advantage of that" Anna pleaded to me with a look on her face that, well lets just say if looks could kill.
"Hey she wanted each one of those drinks, and she liked what happened next" I innocently pleaded to Anna, as she dragged me in the closet door.
"Ohh are we playing seven minutes in heaven?" I questions Anna, Hoping the answer was yes. I did not see what was coming next. As i leaned in to kiss Anna i felt yet another smack to the back of the head. When Anna opened the closet door we were at someone else's party.
"Where are we now?" I questioned Anna once again.
"Well we are at a party that Jenelle attended after you used her, We walked up the stairs and there were people in a line,
"That has to be the longest line of people to go the bathroom i have ever seen, Why dont they just go out side to pee?" I questioned not expecting an answer. We continued on walking til we came to a door. We walked in and there laying on a bed was Jenelle.
"Okay so shes having sex, Whats the big deal?" I questioned anna,
"Watch the time dummy, Remember this is all one night" anna replied. As i stood there and watched, Jenelle had sex with 10 different men that night.
"Okay so shes getting laid? why do i have to see that?" I questioned anna.
"Are you that stupid? Jayce she never use to have sex with guys unless she really loved them! After she you used her all those times she stopped caring. She broke up with her boyfriend who she has been together with for four years. She goes to party's gets drunk and just let boys line up to have sex with her. Her self confidence is that low now. Do you realize you emotionally broke her. ?" Anna begged me to understand and to feel bad, but honestly i really didn't. I was proud of her. Girls need the D other wise they become very moody.
"Anna, She choose this, I had sex with her a couple of times. How was i suppose to know she was going to become a sexaholic?" I question.
" Jayce, Do you know that when Jenelle broke it off with her boyfriend, She destroyed him. He was going to propose to her. He was devastated when she left him. You didnt destroy one girls life, but you destroyed his as well."
"Well thats his fault for wanting to get married that young" I yelled, as i walked away from anna shaking her head. When That stupid smoke started consuming everything around us again.
As the smoke disappeared we were out side of this brown one story house. As we walked up to it Anna was looking into windows as if she was trying to find someone.
"Ahh Finally." Anna Whispered. She continued,
"Jenna Jackson, You dated her for mhm, what was it almost a year," She explained to me.
"Yeah i know this, What is so important about this?" i questioned her. Not realizing why this was important. All Anna whispered was watch. As i stood out side the window and watched as jenna started smoking what it looked like was pot she walked over to her bedroom door and shut it quietly. Jenna walked over to her night stand and grabbed out a syringe, She Shoved the needle into her arm. I couldnt believe what i was watching.
"Okay so shes a druggie, and what am i suppose to be learning about this?" I questioned. Only to get shushed as anna pointed to the window again. Jenna hid her drugs and continued over to her computer. She went on to some kind of porn website and proceeded to turn her web camera on. She started taking very barley clothed pictures and uploaded them on to the porn site. Her computer made some kind of sound and we couldnt see what made it, But as we were watching she walked to her bed and started taking her clothes off. One piece at a time. Of course i am a guy so i loved seeing her naked, But as i was dazing at her i felt anna smack me.
"This is not something you can just stare at. " She screamed at me.
"Im a guy! i like looking at naked girls!" I shouted back to her,
"The point of this is for you to see that since she found out you were cheating on her, and your relationship ended she has been doing drugs and taking pictures of her self and putting them on porno websites, While also video chatting to men that want to see her naked." Anna shouted at me. I couldnt help it, I turned and walked away something i never thought i would do to Anna, I just found my self Punching the air. I was so Pissed. How dare Anna blame those girls choices on me just because i slept with them. I could hear anna walking up to me.. I wiped a tiny tear away from my eye, I didnt want anna to see.
"Jayce I have one more person for you to see and then we are done with the girls, I promise" She reassured me. Anna kissed me on the cheek and took my hand. The smoke started to consume everything around us, Once again like it has before.
It was once again dark when we walked up to a four story house. We walked into the tall brown doors and proceeded to the fourth floor. It was really dark, smelled like fresh paint. We walked in to a room that looked like a house inside a house. There were candles burning, as we got closer to the room i seen a girl laying on her bed. She was writing something in what looked like a journal.
"Okay so who is this?" I questioned anna, But she didnt answer. It was quiet. I noticed she had head phones in her ears.
"This is catori, Do you remember her? She had a crush on you since she was a freshman. She was head over heels happy when you took her out on a date. Thinking you were the sweetest guy. But as that night drew to the end she didnt want to go back to your house and have sex, But she didnt think you would go through with it either" Anna yelled at me, sounded like she was trying not to start crying.
"I didnt force her to have sex with me anna, We went back to my house and made out. She could have said no once we started getting naked, but she didnt" I pleaded to anna. As we were finishing that conversation i noticed that catori was getting out of her bed and going into her bathroom. I grabbed her journal being careful and as i looked down i seen poems, But they werent normal happy poems. They were really dark, sad poems. I walked over to the bathroom when i heard crying. As i walked in i couldnt believe what i was seeing. She had a razor and she was cutting her self, when she was finally done i noticed her grab pills and she started to take them with sips of alcohol.
"We need to stop her anna, Thats dangerous!" i pleaded hoping this wasnt real, and if it was anna would stop her.
"I cant stop her jayce, this is her life. After your guys date, She got really depressed. She stopped hanging out with her friends, her grades dropped, she stopped trusting in guys." Anna replied. I noticed that anna had tears falling out of her eyes now. I couldnt take it, I left. Its not my fault. I have fun who cares. Its not like i told her to start hurting her self, or told her to stop caring about school. Why was this all being put on me, I thought to myself.
"Jayce... " Anna whispered as she walked up behind me.
"Do you realize that everything you do effects these girls? this is why you need to change" Anna pleaded to me. As she finished that sentence the smoke consumed everything around us. It was dark, and i couldnt feel anna. Where did she go?
As the smoke disapeared, I realized we were at the middle school. I walked through the halls trying to find anna. Why would she leave me? Did i finally wake up? Just as i got those thoughts out of my head, Thats when i seen her. Anna was walking to her locker. I forgot how beautiful she was. There was a guy walking with her, I couldnt see who it was. As i got closer to her i realized, It was me.
"Babe let me carry your books for you!" I told her
"No Hunni, I got it. I can carry my books i promise. You dont need to be mr gentleman all the time." Anna replied in a smirk. She kissed me and walked away. I seen myself run after her and i placed my arm around her as we walked into our class. I thought to my self.
"Why do i have to see this again" But as i was thinking about that, I seen smoke blur into the parking lot. I seen myself walking out of the school and i seen my friend Jake flirting with a girl, He was leaned over her about to start making out with this girl, and out of no where i ran up and pushed him.
"What the hell are you doing jake?" I heard myself yell
"Jayce mind your own business,!" jake yelled back and after that i watched my self get in a fight with my best friend. The smoke blurred again but this time we were at the beach. I want to skip this one,
"Anna do you hear me! I dont want to see this! stop it now please!" i pleaded hoping she would hear me, Hoping she would stop this. Just then i seen Anna and myself laying on the sand, She was laying on my chest. I miss that... I went and sat down next to where we were laying and listened
"Im going to marry you" i heard my self tell her as i kissed her head
"Oh really mr jayce, And how do you know i will marry you?" she questioned me...
"Because you love me, very much." I tried to get out as our teacher came and yelled at us because the way we were sitting was not the way they thought we should have been. After the teacher left i heard us go back to the conversation.
"Anna, i do love you. I want to marry you, im serious!" I whispered to her, as she got up and got close to me, I miss when she would be that close... I heard her whisper
"I will marry you, If... " she smirked as she whispered, i kissed her cheek and whispered back,
"If what?" and of course she had the best sense of humor,
"If you can catch me" She said while tapping my nose and taking off running into the water. I ran after her, trying to catch her. I see my self trip in a hole that some little kids have dug, When i got up i seen Anna was far out in the water. She was waving her hands and then she was gone. I ran into the water and tried to get to her, Swimming against the waves was the hardest part, I was trying to get to her and as i got closer i seen that there was nothing but seaweed everywhere. By the time i got to her i got the seaweed off of her legs. She wasnt moving...
"Anna breath!!!" I heard myself yell and plead. She wasnt moving or breathing. The teacher approached us with the paramedics. They pushed me away, But i didnt want to leave.
"Please no i need to be next to her, Anna breath please! Anna !!!!" I heard myself screaming as our teacher just pulled me away. Anna was gone again... I couldnt handle it, Not again. I walked away as anna finally came back to me.
"Why did you make me relive that!" I yelled at her, as she just stared at me.
"You had to see how you use to be," she replied with sad eyes.
"But why did i have to watch you die all over again!!! If I just made you stay out of the water! you would still be here!!! You shouldnt have gone in the water!!" I yelled as walking away pissed.
"You still have one more thing to see Jayce!" she yelled but i just ignored her walking away, But it didnt help the smoke consumed us once more. Only this time i have no clue where we are at.
It was a dark place, I didnt understand where we were. Until we walked in. There was a coffin. People were sitting around crying.
"Where are we at? Who's funeral is this?" But as i got the last work out i noticed that it was... mine.
"This isnt real!!" I pleaded to anna, i was trying not to cry, or atleast show that i was crying,
"Yes jayce it is, If you dont change your ways," Anna pleaded to me trying to get me to realize that this all could be real.
"How did it happen....?" I questioned not knowing if i really wanted to know the answer.
"Well.. you slept with a collage girl who had AIDs, she passed it on to you, and it spread fast. Sleeping with girls something that you loved took your life" Anna whispered as she had tears running down her face. I couldnt handle this, I ran out of there and just as i was running out of the funeral i heard a loud alarm.
It was seven thirty when i woke up on the couch. I looked around breathing heavier than i ever have before. I dont remember falling asleep but i guess i have. I found my self wanting to be a different person. I had a date that night with a beautiful girl named tosca. I was determined to change, and do things differently. Tosca was a sweet girl and we have been dating for two years now. I have been a hundred percent faithful to her and only her. I loved her and only her. I even planned to ask her to marry me, But that is a different story at a different time.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
story four: Dearest mommy
I can hear my mom yelling at my father, telling him she was getting an abortion, i wonder what that is?
"Jake i do not want this child, its only going to ruin my life! Weather you like it or not this is happening as soon as i have the money" I heard her scream
I didnt like when she screamed, I wonder why she doesnt love me? I am her child. Arent you suppose to love your kids? I love you mommy.
"No brooke, i dont care, you are not having an abortion! Do you hear me? You have to have my approval to because guess what i am around and its my child to. that is my final word about this! Its not happening!" I heard my daddy yell back.
My daddy loves me, why doesnt mommy love me? Did I do something wrong? I am just a baby.
"Jake im sorry but i am not ready to be a mother, i dont have enough money and we dont even know if we will still be together when this child comes," i heard my mom call out.
I was confused i dont care if my family is together as long as they are both in my life. I can hear my mom slam her car door. She sounds mad but that is the way she always sounds. I think we are finally at home. I heard my mom say her prayers, then she was silent. Maybe she fell asleep. I hear mommy screaming.
"Oh shit! I'm late" Its hard to know we are late for because i cant see anything. I hear mom get into her car. She is listening to her favorite song, Wait her phone is ringing.
"Hey, Yeah i am. No I cant, I love him, I do but i just don't see what he is thinking," I hear my mom tell who ever is on the phone. She sounds like shes going to start crying.
"Its my choice, and i will do what i want!" I heard my mommy scream as what sounds like she threw her phone. It was loud. I don't like it when shes mad or upset. I hear my mom slam the car door and. I think we are walking somewhere. I wonder where, But that's when i heard someone asking mommy questions.
"Hello are you miss louis?" i heard a strange voice ask my mother,
"Yes i am doc" I heard my mom reply.
I was scared, what if there was something wrong with mommy, I dont want her to be sick. I want her to be okay.
"Follow me and please put the gown on that is inside of the room" the strange voice demanded to my mother.
I felt my mom get undressed and redressed, i think we are sitting down now. Im not good at telling time in here but i think its been thirty minutes before i heard the strange voice again.
"Hello miss louis, we will be taking good care of you today, So sit back and relax. This should only hurt for a second and then you will be free from this."
I was scared, i didnt know what was going on. I see a pointy thingy coming near me and my little home. I am scared. Is that going to kill me? I guess then i wont be around any more. I cant believe mommy is going through this. I held on to my home, and then i heard my mommy scream.
"STOP! i cant do this, i dont want to do this anymore. i am sorry but i want to keep it!" i was so happy when i heard mommy scream this. She does love me. I feel all warm.
"Are you sure miss louis?" I heard the doctor question her. My moms heart is beating really fast as she told them that she indeed wanted to keep me. I heard mom crying as she slammed the door to her car and drove off. I wonder if we are going home now. Nope I hear my daddies voice.
"Brooke what are you doing here. ?" He questioned mommy. Mommy sounded like she was crying still but i wasnt sure.
"Jake, I didnt go through with it. I have the baby still. I dont want to give it up. I want us to be a family. and raise this kid together." i heard mommy tell daddy. I cant really hear anything, if anything is being said at all. But then out of the quietness i heard somebody mumble something. I think its daddy. He is telling her he loves her. I haven't heard him say that to her in the longest time. I am so happy that mommy is keeping me and not getting rid of me. I cant wait to see my mommy and daddy.
My life is going to be pretty amazing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)